We never know how much more time we have left. But I'm more recently aware that I both want to do more for myself and leave more for my family. Thank you for this post, JP!
What a profound and beautiful piece with so much depth and wisdom in it. It makes you reflect on your own life long after you finish reading it. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you Kelly. I’m really glad the piece stayed with you. What ended up in it took me a long time to recognize. I think writing it really helped me to start figuring some of it out.
Thank you Ken. I really appreciate this. I smiled when I read that you used to build card houses too. And “I know that gap from the inside” is something I’ve thought about more than once since reading your comment.
Kendra, that line was uncomfortable to write. I realized halfway through the piece that I wasn’t speaking metaphorically anymore. I actually changed the subtitle right before publishing.
I really appreciate your interest Kendra. It’s complicated. I almost always start with a title first, usually whatever idea sparked the piece. That becomes the working title. The subtitle usually comes later, after there’s a draft, and both almost always change as it evolves. With this one, I originally wanted to expand on a short thought-post I wrote last fall. The working title/sub was The Obituary I Never Wrote / I told you to write yours. I didn’t write mine. Both changed several times. But the subtitle I changed at the very last minute was: The hardest part of loss is realizing how much was left unsaid.
Here is the original piece, when I was writing into the void... lol
Thank you for sharing, JP! I see how your thought process evolved. It’s something I’ve thought about in a similar fashion. If people could know how deeply they are loved, appreciated, respected, before it’s too late…
There was a comment at the end to share with you someone that you never had the chance to say goodbye to.
I don't seem to share this and not written for myself to be noticed but you asked so therefore I will share with you that I lost my mother as she ended her life and I never had that chance to say goodbye. She was an amazing woman, mother, so much love for her 2 sons, she had ended it after a long battle with severe depression, medications didn't want to help, she hid it very well most of the time, sometimes her spirit lifted and at times felt like she was healing. Anyway, at a time of her lifted spirit the next day she was gone after taking to many pills.
On another scale I also never made it to the funeral as at that morning we had awoke early to get ready for it my partner at the time was heavily pregnant and for some reason I found her in the shower crouched on the floor so we rushed to the hospital to check it out and thought we had time to do so then go to the funeral. My partner still had a month to go till full term but no! lol my newborn son was born the exact same time as my mother's funeral.
Till this day I say, my mother didn't want me to be sad and to be happy about a new soul carrying her within. Seemed to help! still does lol.
JP I remember having to do the "write your own obituary" exercise at an on-the-job workshop which I didn't understand and felt was inappropriate, so I purposely made it about business accomplishments.
I've never done it since, but I agree that everything you're doing contributes towards it all the time and you have to decide how you want it to evolve on a regular basis. I've become more aware of this as I get older and have shifted my priorities accordingly.
Thanks for sharing how yours has evolved over the past 8 months. Sounds like it's headed in the right direction for you.
Beautifully written. When we’re younger we think we have all the time in the world to say what we feel to those we love. Unfortunately, in our world, at anytime the unthinkable can happen, they are gone, we are left reeling. Sometimes it takes years to get resolution. This was a wonderful piece.
Thank you Susan. I think that’s part of what I’ve come to realize, how many things we think we’ll eventually say or resolve quietly turn into things we carry instead.
This is a profoundly moving post. Thank you for your vulnerability in sharing a piece of your story that I know will touch a lot of readers.
It certainly struck a chord with me. I experienced that same dynamic growing up: the way a family instinctively tries to shield a child from loss, inadvertently leaving them to process the weight of it in isolation.
You framed the resolution so beautifully. Ending on that note of reconciliation and intentional forward momentum is a wonderful takeaway. Truly a great read.
Thank you for the thoughtful message. I think a lot of families did that back then. Everybody was trying to protect each other, but nobody really knew how to talk about loss openly. Writing this piece made me realize how long that silence stayed with me.
I think your post resonates with so many here because we share that experience. Our generation grew up with families who wanted to shield us from loss and sadness, and thus, our relationship with the very concept of death has been altered. We can't blame them, really-it's a natural instinct to want to spare children such emotional pain....But loss is a heavy experience to live through and carry. For me personally, I found reading about how other cultures view death and loss to be very helpful. As we expand our capacity to accept these events, we probably should share more of these thoughts with the younger generations...
We never know how much more time we have left. But I'm more recently aware that I both want to do more for myself and leave more for my family. Thank you for this post, JP!
This is so profound. Reading about how uncomfortable it is to write about the end while we’re still in the middle of something.
This one will stay with for a while.
What a profound and beautiful piece with so much depth and wisdom in it. It makes you reflect on your own life long after you finish reading it. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you Kelly. I’m really glad the piece stayed with you. What ended up in it took me a long time to recognize. I think writing it really helped me to start figuring some of it out.
Wow, JP, the card house image is going to stay with me for a while as I used to make them too.
She built something she knew would fall and did it anyway, did it precisely, did it as a gift to whoever was in the room.
I've been sitting with the question of what we build, knowing it won't last, versus what we build because some part of us believes it might.
Most of my life, I couldn't tell the difference and I'm getting better at it.
That distance between what he kept safe and what he actually built, I know that gap from the inside.
Good piece, JP. One of your best.
Thank you Ken. I really appreciate this. I smiled when I read that you used to build card houses too. And “I know that gap from the inside” is something I’ve thought about more than once since reading your comment.
Oof, “…they are writing their obituary in real time.” 😮💨
Kendra, that line was uncomfortable to write. I realized halfway through the piece that I wasn’t speaking metaphorically anymore. I actually changed the subtitle right before publishing.
Goosebumps. Wow… that’s profound. I’m curious, what was the subtitle prior to changing it, if you don’t mind sharing?
I really appreciate your interest Kendra. It’s complicated. I almost always start with a title first, usually whatever idea sparked the piece. That becomes the working title. The subtitle usually comes later, after there’s a draft, and both almost always change as it evolves. With this one, I originally wanted to expand on a short thought-post I wrote last fall. The working title/sub was The Obituary I Never Wrote / I told you to write yours. I didn’t write mine. Both changed several times. But the subtitle I changed at the very last minute was: The hardest part of loss is realizing how much was left unsaid.
Here is the original piece, when I was writing into the void... lol
https://www.ctrlaltreinvent.com/p/the-obituary-draft
Thank you for sharing, JP! I see how your thought process evolved. It’s something I’ve thought about in a similar fashion. If people could know how deeply they are loved, appreciated, respected, before it’s too late…
Great Post JP.
There was a comment at the end to share with you someone that you never had the chance to say goodbye to.
I don't seem to share this and not written for myself to be noticed but you asked so therefore I will share with you that I lost my mother as she ended her life and I never had that chance to say goodbye. She was an amazing woman, mother, so much love for her 2 sons, she had ended it after a long battle with severe depression, medications didn't want to help, she hid it very well most of the time, sometimes her spirit lifted and at times felt like she was healing. Anyway, at a time of her lifted spirit the next day she was gone after taking to many pills.
On another scale I also never made it to the funeral as at that morning we had awoke early to get ready for it my partner at the time was heavily pregnant and for some reason I found her in the shower crouched on the floor so we rushed to the hospital to check it out and thought we had time to do so then go to the funeral. My partner still had a month to go till full term but no! lol my newborn son was born the exact same time as my mother's funeral.
Till this day I say, my mother didn't want me to be sad and to be happy about a new soul carrying her within. Seemed to help! still does lol.
Cheers JP.
Jas, I don't have an easy response to this.
Your mother's funeral and your son's first breath. The same moment.
I've thought about what you said at the end. That she didn't want you to be sad. That your son's arrival gave you something to hold onto instead.
I'm glad you shared that.
Thank you, JP. It wasn't intended as for a response so much, more a reply to what you had asked for to share!
I was and more now, happy to share this with you.
I am at peace with this.
Cheers my friend :)
JP I remember having to do the "write your own obituary" exercise at an on-the-job workshop which I didn't understand and felt was inappropriate, so I purposely made it about business accomplishments.
I've never done it since, but I agree that everything you're doing contributes towards it all the time and you have to decide how you want it to evolve on a regular basis. I've become more aware of this as I get older and have shifted my priorities accordingly.
Thanks for sharing how yours has evolved over the past 8 months. Sounds like it's headed in the right direction for you.
Beautifully written. When we’re younger we think we have all the time in the world to say what we feel to those we love. Unfortunately, in our world, at anytime the unthinkable can happen, they are gone, we are left reeling. Sometimes it takes years to get resolution. This was a wonderful piece.
Thank you Susan. I think that’s part of what I’ve come to realize, how many things we think we’ll eventually say or resolve quietly turn into things we carry instead.
This is a profoundly moving post. Thank you for your vulnerability in sharing a piece of your story that I know will touch a lot of readers.
It certainly struck a chord with me. I experienced that same dynamic growing up: the way a family instinctively tries to shield a child from loss, inadvertently leaving them to process the weight of it in isolation.
You framed the resolution so beautifully. Ending on that note of reconciliation and intentional forward momentum is a wonderful takeaway. Truly a great read.
Thank you for the thoughtful message. I think a lot of families did that back then. Everybody was trying to protect each other, but nobody really knew how to talk about loss openly. Writing this piece made me realize how long that silence stayed with me.
I think your post resonates with so many here because we share that experience. Our generation grew up with families who wanted to shield us from loss and sadness, and thus, our relationship with the very concept of death has been altered. We can't blame them, really-it's a natural instinct to want to spare children such emotional pain....But loss is a heavy experience to live through and carry. For me personally, I found reading about how other cultures view death and loss to be very helpful. As we expand our capacity to accept these events, we probably should share more of these thoughts with the younger generations...