The Part Nobody Posts About
4:30am. Monday. Already Behind.
Luna hit me at 4:30am.
Not gently. She came off the wall behind my head at full speed, did something that could only be described as a midair somersault, and landed directly on my groin. Nine pounds. Perfect trajectory. I heard Stella chasing her before I was even fully awake.
I lay there for a second. Then I started laughing. Then I stopped laughing because it hurt.
This is life with two cats who treat the bedroom like a UFC octagon. Stella and Luna have a thing they do. I call it kitty jujitsu. They slow fight. Circling each other, locking heads, using all four legs to pin the other one in place. It looks choreographed until it does not. Then someone gets launched off a wall at 4:30 in the morning and I become the landing pad.
Feet on the floor. Kitchen. Coffee. The laptop already open from the night before, cursor blinking on a Vault piece I had not finished and needed to publish Wednesday at 6:30am.
It was Monday.
This is what Monday looks like.
If you work in hospitality technology, you already know what that means. Mondays are not slow mornings. They are triage. Lightning strikes. Cash drawers pried open with a crowbar. Fists through POS screens. Fire. Flood. The weekend does not end cleanly in this business. It just stops, and Monday picks up whatever it left behind.
I had a service meeting first thing. One person on vacation. Another calling out sick.
The Vault piece was going to have to wait.
Shortly after arriving at the office, my phone rang. One of my longtime customers. He had a kitchen fire over the weekend. An employee left a greasy rag on the corner of the griddle. It caught fire. The grease spread. The trap went up. Flames to the ceiling. He needed me to come take a look at the POS equipment before the insurance adjuster arrived. He wanted to make sure he was getting a fair deal.
Small caveat. His restaurant is ninety minutes from my office.
I know what you are thinking.
Just get in the car and go.
And that is exactly what I did. There was no deliberating. This is the job. You show up for people when it matters. On the flip side, three hours of windshield time in my rolling university. Podcasts. Thinking time. A small win buried inside a blown-up day.
The dread is real.
I want to be honest about what that morning felt like before I got in the car. It was not some cinematic moment of quiet discipline. There was no journal entry about staying the course. There was dread. Specific, familiar dread. The kind that sits in your chest when you are behind on something that matters and the day in front of you has no room for it.
I did not fix the Vault piece Monday morning. I could not. I got in the car, drove ninety minutes, did the job, drove ninety minutes back, and finished out the day.
Monday night I came back to the laptop in my home office.
And here is the honest truth about that. Sitting down to write at nine or ten at night after a day like that is not the same as sitting down at 5am when you are fresh. I do my best work in the early hours. The quiet, the stillness, the brain not yet loaded with the weight of the day. By nine or ten at night it is hard to concentrate. All I can think about is what is waiting for me tomorrow.
Some nights I cannot wait to get home and open the computer. An idea hit during the drive and I want to get it down before it disappears. Other nights I absolutely dread the thought of touching the keyboard. The YouTube rabbit hole is right there. The couch is right there. The day was long and the tank is close to empty.
Monday night was the second kind.
I opened the document anyway.
Seven months in, I can tell you this. Between a very full-time day job and the build, it is taxing. Some days feel almost unbearable. Some days the whole thing feels like too much. And some days you drive three hours round trip to help a guy whose kitchen caught fire, come home, eat something, and then sit back down because Wednesday does not move.
It does not look like discipline.
It looks like a Monday night when you’d rather be done and you’re not.
The unglamorous middle is not a phase you pass through on the way to something better. For most of us building something real inside a full life, it is the whole thing.
The alarm. The chaos. The dread. The day job running at full speed. Most of us are building in the cracks between everything else. The nights you show up empty and do it anyway.
Wednesday does not move.
You show up not because it feels good.
Because you said you would.
What would you still be showing up for if nobody was watching and nothing had changed yet?
CTRL is not about inspired. It is about present.
It is about opening the document on a Monday night when the tank is empty and Wednesday does not move.
CTRL: T
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If this was worth your time, three ways to say so.
Forward it to someone still grinding through their own
unglamorous middle.
Tell me where you are in yours.
The Saturday piece named the feeling. Wednesday in the Vault: the diagnostic that separates real tenacity from performing it. Including the specific constraint I use to keep the build running inside a full time job. Because busyness and endurance are not the same thing and most of us have been confusing them for years. The Tenacity Audit. That is what we are opening up next.
Thanks for reading.
~ JP
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Related:
CTRL Signals by JP Bristol
Clarity. Tenacity. Reinvention. Legacy
Great piece, JP! Another great read!
The graph feels like my life. The energy and then the slow release to the point where thinking (deeply or about anything) is not an option. But you show up. You build something that has value to you and may change your future.